Marriage in the Lives of the Companions: Responsibility, Simple Weddings and the Protection of Women

In society today, marriage often means enormous expense, demands and a competition of showing off. Yet if we look at the lives of the Companions, marriage was simple, responsible and humane. In this article we will take a few examples from authentic narrations and understand the lessons needed today.

A guardian himself looked for a suitable groom

Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that when his father Umar's (may Allah be pleased with him) daughter Hafsah (may Allah be pleased with her) became a widow after the death of her husband Khunays (may Allah be pleased with him), Umar offered her to Uthman (may Allah be pleased with him) and then to Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him). When they did not agree, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ later married Hafsah (may Allah be pleased with her). (Sahih al-Bukhari 5122)

From this event we learn: there is nothing to be ashamed of in proposing a religious groom for one's daughter; rather it is part of a guardian's responsibility. See The role of the wali (guardian).

A simple wedding: Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (may Allah be pleased with him)

When Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (may Allah be pleased with him) came to Medina after the Hijrah, the Ansari Sa'd ibn ar-Rabi' (may Allah be pleased with him) wanted to give up half of his wealth and one of his two wives. Abdur Rahman (may Allah be pleased with him) humbly said: may Allah bless you in your family and wealth, just show me the market. (Sahih al-Bukhari 2048) Later, when he married, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

Hold a walimah, even if with a single sheep. — (Sahih al-Bukhari 5167; Sahih Muslim 1427)

So the Sunnah walimah is not one of waste, but a simple arrangement according to one's means. See Walimah and simple marriage.

Faith as the mahr: Abu Talhah and Umm Sulaym (may Allah be pleased with them)

It is narrated from Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that when Abu Talhah (may Allah be pleased with him) proposed to Umm Sulaym (may Allah be pleased with her), she said: a man like you cannot be turned away, but you are a disbeliever and I am a Muslim; if you accept Islam, that will be my mahr, and I want nothing else. (Sunan an-Nasa'i, Book of Marriage) This event proves that religiosity takes the highest priority over wealth.

Marrying while taking responsibility for widows, orphans and a family

After his father's martyrdom at Uhud, Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) was responsible for several of his sisters. He married a previously married woman (a widow or one who had been married before) so that she could look after the sisters — and the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, hearing his purpose, expressed support. (Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of Marriage) This event reflects that marriage can be not only a personal wish but also the management of a family's needs.

In the Companions' society widows were not left alone for years; after the iddah, an honourable marriage would be arranged. The continuity of the life of Asma bint Umays (may Allah be pleased with her) (Ja'far ibn Abi Talib, may Allah be pleased with him, then Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, then Ali, may Allah be pleased with him) also proves that the remarriage of a widow was accepted and honoured in society. Details: Widow marriage.

Was plural marriage unusual in the Companions' society?

No. Many Companions married more than once, while many kept only one wife; in their conduct, justice and a sense of responsibility were the main condition. On this subject it is safest not to spread any specific number or story without verification — because many popular narrations are weak in terms of their chains. We have taken only authentic and well-known events here. On justice see Justice between multiple wives.

Lessons for society today

1. An active role of the guardian is needed in looking for a religious groom or bride.
2. In the walimah or wedding arrangements, not debt or waste but simplicity according to one's means.
3. The marriage of widows and the shelterless is society's collective responsibility.
4. There is no place for dowry or pointless demands (Dowry and the bride-price custom).

The position of women in the Companions' society

In the Companions' era women pursued knowledge, asked questions, took part in trade and gave their opinion about their own marriage. Authentic narrations mention a woman who came directly to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and complained about her marriage (Marriage against a girl's will). The remarriage of widows was also normal in society; as a result there was less loneliness or social exclusion.

Elements of a culture of simple marriage

From the marriage practice of the Companions several elements of the culture emerge:

1. Priority of religiosity: faith and character before mahr, lineage or wealth.
2. Simple arrangements: no long preparation or display.
3. An active guardian: finding a suitable match and proposing to the bride or groom.
4. Respect for consent: listening to the bride's opinion.
5. Social support: help in the brotherhood of the Ansar and Muhajirun, such as the offer of Sa'd ibn ar-Rabi' (may Allah be pleased with him).

How these elements can be applied in society today

• Forming a "support committee" for marriage through the mosque or a social organisation.
• A social pledge against dowry and waste (Dowry and the bride-price custom).
• Special assistance for widows, divorced women and women with disabilities (Marriage of women and men with disabilities).
• Short counselling for guardians (The role of the wali).

Caution: separate the authentic from "popular stories"

Many popular stories about the Companions are in circulation whose chains are questionable — especially regarding the number of marriages or exaggerated events. Before quoting them in a da'wah talk or writing, check them against reliable sources. This also protects the credibility of your own statement.

Final word

The lives of the Companions teach us: when marriage is simple, responsible and humane, society stays free from fitnah.

To get help with a simple and Shariah-compliant marriage, contact us.