Marriage of Women and Men with Disabilities: Islam's Outlook and Society's Responsibility

Our brothers and sisters with disabilities are part of our society. But in marriage they are often subjected to neglect, pity or discrimination born of ignorance. Islam determines a person's dignity by taqwa and deeds; not by physical form or ability.

Allah looks at hearts and deeds

Indeed Allah does not look at your faces and wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds. — (Sahih Muslim 2564)

Surah 'Abasa was revealed about the blind Companion Ibn Umm Maktum (may Allah be pleased with him), and later he also served as a muezzin in Medina (Sahih al-Bukhari 617). From this we see that in an Islamic society a person with a disability is a full partner in honour and responsibility.

The right to marry

Marry off the unmarried men and women among you and the righteous among your male and female slaves. — (Surah An-Nur, 24:32)

The verse is general; there is no reason to leave persons with disabilities out of it. Bangladesh's Rights and Protection of Persons with Disabilities Act 2013 also recognises the dignity and non-discriminatory rights of persons with disabilities.

Honesty is essential for everyone

In a proposal both sides must speak the truth without deceiving. The type of disability, treatment, working ability, the support needed, financial condition — stating clearly whatever affects the household is part of justice. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: Whoever deceives is not one of us (Sahih Muslim 101).

Choosing a suitable groom or bride

• Religiosity, character, empathy and patience are the biggest yardstick (Choosing a groom, Choosing a bride).
• Open discussion about real capacity, medical support, housing and supporting arrangements.
• The consent and cooperation of both families.
• If needed, the advice of a doctor or relevant specialist.
• Istikhara and consultation (Istikhara).

The family's responsibility

A guardian should never think of the marriage of a child with a disability as a "burden" or "shame". Rather it is their responsibility to find a suitable groom or bride, ensure the mahr and rights, and keep arrangements for support after the marriage. See The role of the wali (guardian).

What society should do

• Dignity, not pity: no mockery of names, identity or looks.
• Introducing suitable grooms and brides at the mosque and community level.
• Where possible, sharing in marriage expenses, housing or medical assistance.
• Counselling and social cooperation for families that have a member with a disability.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that he and the guardian of an orphan will be this close in Paradise (Sahih al-Bukhari 5304) and that the one who strives for widows and the poor is equal to one who fights in the path of Allah (Sahih al-Bukhari 5353). Helping in the marriage of persons with disabilities, the helpless and widows can therefore be a noble ongoing charity.

Open discussion with the family

When the marriage of a child with a disability is mentioned, many families feel hesitant or avoid it for fear of society's remarks. This is painful for the child. Rather, according to age and ability, gradually listen to their wishes, expectations and fears and let them take part in the decision. No marriage without consent (Marriage against a girl's will).

Types of disability and preparing for married life

Disabilities differ — physical, visual or hearing, intellectual or mental-health related. Preparation for marriage can differ for each:

• Capacity to consent: consider whether there is the ability to give consent to marriage on the advice of a scholar and a specialist.
• Daily support: how the spouse will help, the necessary equipment, medical care, housing arrangements.
• Financial security: medical costs, support allowance and employment opportunities.
• Family cooperation: understanding and support of both families.

Doubts that often arise

"Will they have a child with a disability?" — a doctor's advice can be taken; but a child is Allah's gift, and good treatment of a child with a disability is part of worship.

"Will they be able to run the household?" — many persons with disabilities are skilled in education, employment and household management. Assess capacity separately; do not assume.

"What will society say?" — society's taunts are not a Shariah yardstick.

Support and institutions

The local Department of Social Services, disability support organisations and mosque committees can give information about marriage planning, assistive equipment and financial help. Those who wish to help can take part by donating or giving advice for the marriage of persons with disabilities and helpless women (Donate).

Final word

The marriage of brothers and sisters with disabilities is not pity but right and dignity. With the cooperation of society and family they can build happy, responsible households (The marriage practice of the Companions).

To help arrange the marriage of helpless women and women with disabilities, we have kept a donation fund open; if you wish you can donate here. For introductions or advice, contact us.