Remarriage of a Divorced Woman: The Iddah, Dignity and What the Family Should Do

Although divorce is permitted in Shariah, it is a disliked and sorrowful matter. But when separation has happened, it is a demand of faith to help the woman build her future with dignity and support rather than blaming her.

The iddah of a divorced woman

Divorced women shall wait by themselves for three qur' (menstrual cycles / periods of purity). — (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:228)

In the Hanafi madhhab "qur'" means menstruation, so generally it is three menstrual cycles. If she is pregnant:

The iddah of pregnant women is until they give birth. — (Surah At-Talaq, 65:4)

During the iddah, staying in the husband's house and receiving maintenance is the woman's right. In Bangladesh there is a legal process for divorce — the husband must give notice to the Chairman, and there is a prescribed time limit for it to take effect. See Talaq and khula: the rules.

Dignity and support after divorce

And for divorced women there is a fair provision (support) — a duty upon the God-fearing. — (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:241)

Beyond the mahr, the remaining maintenance and the child's expenses, giving a courteous gift of support is a demand of taqwa. Mistreatment, slander or obstructing the care of the child is oppression.

Preventing remarriage is forbidden

Do not prevent them (the husbands / suitable grooms) from marrying them, if they agree with one another in a fair manner. — (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:232)

In many families a divorced daughter is seen as a "burden on the house" or a "loss of honour", and obstacles are created in the way of her next marriage. According to the verse, this is wrong.

What to look for in choosing a groom

• Religiosity and character (The yardstick for choosing a groom)
• Knowing and checking the reason for the divorce — not one-sided judgement
• His treatment of her children, if she has any
• A clear assurance of mahr and maintenance
• If the proposal is as a second or third wife, justice and the legal process (10 questions for women)

A special ruling in the case of three divorces

For a woman who has received three divorces there are Shariah conditions for reconciliation with her previous husband (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:230). Many misconceptions and abuses are prevalent about this; so before any decision, be sure to take the advice of a qualified mufti.

A message for society

Divorce is not a certificate of anyone's failure; often in difficult circumstances it is the last way to avoid disaster. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

Accept the advice to treat women well. — (Sahih al-Bukhari 5186; Sahih Muslim 1468)

The family, the mosque committee and society — all together can play a role in the rehabilitation of a divorced woman and in arranging an honourable marriage.

Emotional and social challenges after divorce

A divorced woman often faces these pressures together: loss of confidence, social taunts, financial uncertainty and worry about the children. At this time Islam speaks of empathy for the woman, her right to maintenance and her freedom to remarry. Family and society must understand: divorce does not mean the woman's failure.

Take time for yourself before moving towards remarriage

• Let the iddah be complete and make a basic arrangement of matters concerning the children and finances.
• Write down the lessons of the previous relationship — what kind of behaviour you will no longer tolerate.
• Do not rush under the pull of emotion; check the groom's background slowly.
• If necessary, talk to a counsellor or a trusted scholar.

What to consider if there are children

• Know the Shariah and legal position on custody (hidanah) and maintenance of the child.
• Build the children's relationship with the new groom slowly.
• Respect the former husband's right of contact with the child, if it is not harmful to the child.
• Have the necessary conditions about the children written into the Nikahnama (Nikahnama).

What the family should do

1. Support the daughter rather than blaming her.
2. Help in obtaining her legal rights (mahr, maintenance) (The wife's remedies).
3. Do not obstruct when a suitable groom comes (2:232).
4. Protect the daughter's dignity, ignoring social gossip.

Remember the legal aspects of divorce

In Bangladesh the effectiveness of a divorce is tied to notice and time limits. Before a new marriage, make sure the previous divorce has properly taken effect and the iddah is complete, otherwise the nikah and registration may become complicated (Talaq and khula).

To get help on the Shariah-compliant and safe path to remarriage, contact us.