Can the children obstruct if an elderly father wants to marry?

No. A lawful marriage is the father's right. The children can give advice and help with a good attitude, but unreasonable obstruction or insult may amount to disobedience to parents.

Does the share of property change with a parent's second marriage?

The Shariah shares of inheritance are fixed by law; the children are not deprived of their fixed share because of the marriage, but the new wife / husband too will be entitled to a fixed share. Take a scholar's advice on the specific distribution.

Marriage of Elderly Parents: The Children's Responsibility and Islamic Guidance

Losing a partner in old age is a deep void. The children are busy in their own households, and the father or mother is left alone. In many cases, because of society's question "why marry at this age" or the fear of dividing property, children obstruct the marriage. In this article, what to do is discussed from Shariah and human viewpoints.

A companion is needed in old age too

A companion is not only for sexual needs; for service, comfort, company, being by your side in illness — in a thousand needs. The Qur'an says:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا

And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may find tranquillity in them. — (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21 — in part)

There is no age limit mentioned here.

The children's responsibility: help, not obstruction

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be good to parents. — (Surah Al-Isra, 17:23)

وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

And say: "My Lord, have mercy upon them both as they brought me up when I was small." — (Surah Al-Isra, 17:24)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: may his nose be rubbed in dust, the one who reached one or both of his elderly parents and did not enter Paradise. (Sahih Muslim 2551) And he said:

الْوَالِدُ أَوْسَطُ أَبْوَابِ الْجَنَّةِ

The father is the middle gate of Paradise. — (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1900)

Just as the parents strove for the children's marriage, it is the children's duty to come forward for the parents' lawful needs.

Common obstacles and the answers

Obstacle	Answer
"What will people say?"	Social shame is not a yardstick of Shariah; being ashamed of a lawful act is a pre-Islamic attitude.
"The share of property will shrink."	Destroying parents' rights out of greed for wealth is oppression. And the inheritance law is fixed.
"What is the need at this age?"	Company, service and a dignified life are needed at any age.
"The new partner will not be right."	Take verification and caution; do not obstruct by instilling fear.

How to help

Listen to what is in the father's / mother's heart and understand his / her security, dignity and needs.
Verify a suitable groom / bride — religiosity, nature, health, financial condition (Choosing a groom, Choosing a bride).
Make the mahr and maintenance clear (Mahr) and have the Nikahnama made (registration).
Open discussion within the family about property and responsibilities.
Maintaining a respectful atmosphere at home; not neglecting the new partner.
After the marriage, keep up service and contact with the parents as far as possible.

Advice for elderly parents

In deciding on marriage, talk sincerely with the children. Make matters of your property and obligations clear in writing, so there is no dispute later. Maintain justice towards everyone — the first wife's children / the new wife's children (Raising children).

If widowed or a widower

See the rules of a widow's iddah and remarriage here; the same Shariah principle applies even in old age.

Techniques of dialogue if the family does not agree

A planned family meeting: at a calm time, in the presence of the father / mother, listen to everyone's opinions.
Identify the reasons for fear: property, social honour, the new partner's intentions, old memories — each has a separate solution.
The help of a neutral elder: a scholar, the mosque imam or a respected elder of the family.
An experimental stage: give time for introduction, contact and mutual understanding.

Verifying the new partner

Elderly people can be easy targets for fraud. So:

Verify the new partner's identity, previous history and financial expectations.
No transfer of property or big financial dealings before the marriage.
Ensure the legal papers (Nikahnama, registration) (registration).
If necessary, a written arrangement about property with the children's consent.

Questions of health and care

Health care is important in old age. Whether the new partner can give care, who will bear the medical costs, what help the children will give — discuss openly in advance. Patience and empathy in a partner's illness is the main lesson of marriage.

The relationship between the children and the new partner

Do not think of the new partner as an "outsider"; respect them as the father's / mother's wife / husband. But be careful that they do not exert undue influence over the father / mother. If a problem arises in any case, proceed through dialogue and arbitration (arbitration).

A principle to remember

Our responsibility towards parents is, besides service, to help with their dignity and emotional needs. The child who stands by them in their loneliness is dear to Allah.

To find a respectable and Shariah-compliant groom / bride for your parents, contact us.

Marriage of Elderly Parents: The Children's Responsibility, Society's Misconceptions and Shariah Guidance