The Marriages of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and Their Wisdom: A Calm Reply to Criticism

A section of non-Muslims, and some Muslims too, raise questions about the plural marriages of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. To find the answer, what is needed is not emotion but knowledge of history and context. The seerah tells us that for a long period of his life his household was that of one wife; the later marriages were generally tied to a social or Shariah need.

Indeed in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example. — (Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:21)

Twenty-five years with one wife

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ married Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) in his youth; she had been married before. During Khadijah's lifetime he contracted no other marriage. That is, for the longest span of his youth, his household was with one wife. The later marriages took place only after Khadijah's passing.

Shelter for widows and the helpless

Sawdah bint Zam'ah (may Allah be pleased with her) had become helpless after her husband's death; Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) was in a difficult state with her children after the martyrdom of her husband Abu Salamah (may Allah be pleased with him); Hafsah (may Allah be pleased with her) had lost her husband Khunays (may Allah be pleased with him); Zaynab bint Khuzaymah (may Allah be pleased with her) was alone after her husband was martyred. These marriages are examples of social responsibility and compassion.

From this comes a lesson for society today: arranging the marriage of widows and shelterless women is a bright side of the Sunnah. See: Widow marriage: Islam's guidance.

A marriage that broke a social custom: Zaynab bint Jahsh (may Allah be pleased with her)

In pre-Islamic society an adopted son was given the status of a real son, and marrying his divorced wife was thought wrong. Allah wished to break this mistaken custom:

So when Zayd had fulfilled his need concerning her (Zaynab), We gave her to you in marriage, so that there would be no difficulty for the believers in marrying the wives of their adopted sons. — (Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:37)

Knowledge and teaching for the Ummah: Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her)

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) became one of the greatest teachers of the Ummah in hadith and fiqh. She and the other Mothers of the Believers became the means of conveying to many people the private matters, worship and family teachings of the household of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.

Tribal relations and ending conflict

Juwayriyyah (may Allah be pleased with her) was the daughter of the chief of Banu al-Mustaliq, Umm Habibah (may Allah be pleased with her) was the daughter of Abu Sufyan, Safiyyah (may Allah be pleased with her) was a woman from the family of the leaders of a Jewish tribe — seerah scholars have mentioned that these marriages helped build honourable relations out of tribal hostility and captivity.

The limit for the Ummah is different

Verse 50 of Surah Al-Ahzab mentions certain rulings specific to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ which do not apply to the general Ummah. For the Ummah, the limit of plural marriage under verse 4:3 is at most four. Details: The Islamic ruling on multiple marriages.

His conduct in family life

Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3895

There were jealousy, misunderstandings, anger and sulking even in the Prophet's household — when a dish of food was broken in one wife's hands, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ handled the matter calmly by saying "Your mother became jealous" (Sahih al-Bukhari 5225). All this teaches that managing a household is not only a matter of principle but also of patience and generosity of heart. See Jealousy in a co-wife household: how to handle it.

The gist for critics

• Most of the marriages were with widows or shelterless women.
• Each of the marriages has a social or instructive context.
• The wives' dignity, rights and security were upheld.

Principles for giving a calm reply to criticism

When questions about the Prophet's marriages come, it is beneficial to follow three principles:

1. Be calm and fact-based: do not react emotionally; present authentic history and context.
2. Check the quality of the narration: the seerah contains narrations of various grades; rely only on authentic and acceptable chains.
3. Understand the sincerity of the questioner: speak in a different tone to those who are genuinely asking and those who are hostile.

A picture of a wife's rights

In the Prophet's household each wife had her own room, her own turn and her own dignity. They had a voice — the freedom to give opinions, to ask questions and even to express hurt feelings. Authentic narrations say that the wives would speak to the Prophet ﷺ, ask him questions, and he would be patient even when listening to their views. These examples are a model for a husband's conduct in a household of several wives.

The significance of the title "Mothers of the Believers"

In the Qur'an the Prophet's wives are called the mothers of the believers (Surah Al-Ahzab 33:6). The meaning and responsibility: they are honoured for the Ummah, no one else may marry them after him, and they played a role in spreading religious knowledge. So protecting their honour is a Muslim's duty, and abusing or slandering them is a grave offence.

Lessons applicable to society

• Kindness to widows and the shelterless, and society's responsibility.
• Presenting an example to break social superstitions (such as those about adopted sons).
• Patience, forgiveness and gratitude inside the home.
• Respect for women's pursuit of knowledge and their religious role.

A caution for the Ummah

The Prophet's special ruling (33:50) and the ruling for the general Ummah are separate. It is not right to cite the Prophet's marriages to endorse one's own plural marriages as "Sunnah", or to make the number of his wives an excuse. The Ummah's limit is four under verse 4:3, and the condition is justice (The ruling on plural marriage).

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