Larger Families and Children: The Encouragement of the Sunnah, Responsibility and Balance

Our fourth goal is the larger family (Our goal: Larger Families). It is not a competition in numbers; rather it is building, in the balance of the Sunnah's encouragement and responsibility, a family where children receive love, justice and religious upbringing.

The encouragement of the Sunnah

Marry the loving, child-bearing woman, for I will boast of your numbers over the other nations (on the Day of Resurrection). — (Sunan Abi Dawud 2050; Sunan an-Nasa'i 3227)

Two qualities come side by side in the hadith — love and the ability to bear children. That is, the basis of building a family is an affectionate relationship, not numbers alone.

Children: a blessing and a trust

And those who say: "Our Lord, grant us from our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous." — (Surah Al-Furqan, 25:74)

Children are not only a line of descent but also a treasure of the Hereafter — righteous children and their du'a are part of ongoing charity. But a child is a trust, for which there is accountability.

Four responsibilities of a larger family

1. Justice: fairness among the children in affection, time and spending.

Fear Allah and be just among your children. — (Sahih al-Bukhari 2587; Sahih Muslim 1623)

2. Maintenance: food, clothing, medical care, education and safe housing (Maintenance and housing).
3. Upbringing (tarbiyah): teaching prayer, Qur'an, truthfulness and kindness — the parents' conduct is the first school.
4. The dignity of daughters: equal importance for boys and girls in education, care and respect (Raising children).

Health, means and planning

Considering the mother's health, the spacing between two children, the family's financial means and the capacity to raise them is part of responsibility — it is not contrary to the Sunnah's encouragement. On specific decisions like this take the advice of a qualified mufti and a doctor. Respecting the wife's wish and consent is the husband's duty.

The mother's role and the husband's cooperation

The big burden of raising children falls on the mother. The husband should help with housework (the Messenger of Allah ﷺ used to help with household work), take care of the mother's rest and health, and express gratitude. Details: The mutual rights of husband and wife.

If the children are of different mothers

In a household of plural marriage, equality among children and the relationship between half-siblings demand even more care. See: Raising children in a multi-wife family.

How IMB helps

We help find companions who share the same outlook on building a children's family, and the application stage gives space to state expectations about children transparently.

Mother's and child's health

Bearing and raising children is a great burden on the mother's body and mind. Adequate spacing between two children, the mother's nutrition, rest and medical advice are the family's collective responsibility. Leaning towards "numbers" while ignoring the wife's illness or weakness is not the spirit of the Sunnah. Take the advice of a qualified mufti and a doctor in specific decisions.

Time and attention

However many the children, separate time and attention for each is essential. If parents spend some time alone with each child every week, the feeling of neglect decreases. Remember, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ would kiss and caress children and said that one who shows no mercy will be shown no mercy.

The routine of a big household

• Congregational prayer, Qur'an and du'a together in the morning and evening.
• Age-appropriate responsibilities for the older children — helping the younger ones, household tasks.
• A weekly family meeting: gratitude, problems and plans.
• A fair and calm settlement when siblings quarrel.

Financial planning and education

In a large family education and medical expenses need to be thought of in advance. Keeping an emergency fund, avoiding interest-based loans and investing equally in the education of boys and girls are the foundation of a blessed household. Neglect of a daughter's education is contrary to Islamic teaching.

Final word

For advice on family planning and upbringing, contact us.