Is it permissible to see the bride before marriage?

Yes, if there is an intention to marry, the groom and bride seeing each other is in accordance with the Sunnah. The hadith says this makes it more likely that love will arise between them (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1087).

Can they talk by phone or chat before marriage?

Necessary conversation can take place briefly with the guardian's knowledge. Needless closeness, private talk and romantic talk open the door to fitnah, so they should be avoided.

Can two men propose for the same girl?

When one man's proposal is ongoing, it is forbidden for another to propose over it, until he withdraws or is rejected (Sahih al-Bukhari 5142).

Islamic Rules for Marriage Proposals and Seeing the Bride

Around marriage proposals, seeing the bride and contact, two extreme tendencies are seen in society: in some places pressure to marry a complete stranger, in others transgression in the name of a love relationship even before marriage. Islam has shown a balanced and honourable path between the two.

The permission to see the bride

When Mughirah ibn Shu'bah (may Allah be pleased with him) proposed to a woman, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

انْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا، فَإِنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا

Look at her, for that makes it more likely that love and harmony will arise between you. — (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1087; Sunan an-Nasa'i 3235)

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that when a man wanted to marry an Ansari woman, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ told him to look at her. (Sahih Muslim 1424) That is, seeing the bride is permitted and in accordance with the Sunnah. The bride may also see the groom, because the decision of marriage belongs to both.

The limit: not seclusion

لَا يَخْلُوَنَّ رَجُلٌ بِامْرَأَةٍ إِلَّا مَعَ ذِي مَحْرَمٍ

No man should be alone with a woman without a mahram. — (Sahih al-Bukhari 5233; Sahih Muslim 1341)

Even while a marriage proposal or discussion is under way, the groom and bride remain non-mahram to each other. So when meeting or talking, a member of the family will be present. A private meeting, going out together, late-night conversation — none of these become permissible in the name of marriage.

Gaze and conduct

قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْ

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity; that is purer for them. — (Surah An-Nur, 24:30)

Although seeing within the limit of need (with the purpose of marriage) is allowed, the ruling of guarding the gaze remains after it.

Conversation and contact

What needs to be known — religiosity, profession, family, lifestyle, expectations — discuss through the guardians or with their knowledge.
Keep phone, messages or video calls limited and purposeful; long night conversations are a door to fitnah.
Be careful in exchanging photos; photos can be misused.

No proposing over another's proposal

لَا يَخْطُبُ الرَّجُلُ عَلَى خِطْبَةِ أَخِيهِ

None of you should propose over his brother's proposal. — (Sahih al-Bukhari 5142; Sahih Muslim 1412)

Not wasting time

An indefinitely long state of "talks are going on" creates distress for the parties and a chance for rumours. As far as possible, it is better to pray istikhara quickly (The istikhara prayer) and let the decision be known.

Safety advice for women

No meeting alone in an unfamiliar place.
Verify the groom's information from several sources.
Do not hurry to share financial dealings or excessive personal information.
If in doubt, take the advice of a trusted scholar or an experienced elder.

The language and manner of sending a proposal

Make the proposal through a guardian in humble language; present your identity and your religious and family standing honestly.
Do not exaggerate your means; wrong expectations arise later.
Give reasonable time for an answer, not repeated pressure.

Accepting and giving a refusal politely

If you turn down a proposal, state the reason openly and respectfully; do not insult anyone. And if you are refused, be patient and accept it as the result of istikhara. In this way the marriage process in society stays dignified.

A list of questions to prepare for the meeting

A brief introduction about family and work.
Religious life — habits regarding prayer, Qur'an, modesty.
Future plans — housing, work, children.
Health and essential matters of life.
If it is a proposal for a second marriage, the legal permission and the time-and-financial plan (10 questions if you want to become a second wife).

Online proposals and matrimony platforms

Meeting online is now common. But choose platforms with a credible verification system, be careful before sharing personal information and photos, and do not send money to anyone. Our list of the best matrimony sites may help in choosing a platform (we ourselves are also listed — see the disclosure note).

If the limits have been crossed

If unauthorised closeness has already occurred in the name of a proposal, stop quickly, repent and bring the matter onto the lawful path (From a haram relationship to a halal nikah).

Next steps: The role of the wali (guardian) and Mahr. For introduction and verification in the Shariah way, contact us.

The Islamic Rules of Marriage Proposals and Meeting: What Is Permitted and What Is Not